Have you ever noticed that two seemingly contradictory things can be true for you at the same time? Maybe a part of you longs for a close, intimate relationship, while another part pulls away the moment someone gets too close. Or perhaps you know that you need to slow down and rest, but there's another part of you that feels guilty or anxious whenever you're not being productive.
We often describe these experiences in everyday language without giving them much thought. "Part of me wants to go, but another part of me wants to stay home." "I know I'm being hard on myself, but I can't seem to stop." "I want to trust this person, but something in me won't let me."
These are examples of the different parts of ourselves that can hold competing emotions, beliefs, needs, and ways of responding to the world. In therapy, exploring these different aspects of ourselves is often referred to as parts work.
What is Parts Work?
Parts work is a therapeutic approach that recognizes that we aren't always operating from one consistent emotional state or perspective. We have different aspects of ourselves that have developed through our experiences, relationships, and attempts to navigate the world.
Some parts may feel confident, capable, and independent. Others may carry fear, shame, sadness, or a longing to be cared for. We may have parts that are highly critical of ourselves, parts that work hard to keep everyone happy, and parts that would rather avoid vulnerability altogether.
These different parts aren't necessarily signs that something is wrong. They're part of the complexity of being human.
Many of our patterns develop for understandable reasons. A part that constantly anticipates rejection may have developed through experiences of being criticized or abandoned. A part that insists on handling everything independently may have learned early in life that relying on others wasn't always safe.
Parts work invites us to become curious about these responses rather than immediately trying to eliminate or change them.
You Might Already Be Doing Parts Work Without Realizing It
One of the interesting things about parts work is that it isn't always something a therapist formally introduces or even identifies by name.
If you've ever explored why one part of you wants something while another part feels afraid of it, you've already begun engaging in a form of parts work.
In therapy, this might look like exploring the part of you that becomes defensive during conflict while also recognizing another part that deeply wants connection. Or noticing that the voice telling you you're not good enough sounds remarkably similar to messages you received growing up.
Sometimes a therapist might ask, "What does that part of you need?" or "What do you think that response is trying to protect you from?"
Other times, the conversation may happen without using the language of parts at all. You might explore conflicting emotions, recognize an old protective pattern, or begin relating differently to a younger, more vulnerable aspect of yourself.
In many ways, parts work is a natural extension of the process of developing self-awareness and understanding the different experiences that shape our responses.
Where Does Internal Family Systems (IFS) Fit In?
One of the most widely recognized approaches to parts work is Internal Family Systems, commonly referred to as IFS.
Developed by psychologist Richard Schwartz, IFS offers a structured framework for understanding and working with our internal experiences. The model recognizes that we have different parts of ourselves that may hold conflicting emotions, beliefs, and protective responses.
IFS also introduces the concept of Self, which refers to an internal capacity for curiosity, compassion, calmness, and connection. Rather than trying to get rid of difficult parts, the goal is to develop a different relationship with them.
While IFS has become increasingly popular, it's important to recognize that parts work is much broader than this particular model.
Other therapeutic approaches, including ego state therapy, schema therapy, and certain experiential and attachment-based therapies, also explore different aspects of the self. Therapists may incorporate parts-oriented concepts into their work without practicing formal IFS.
The language and techniques may differ, but many of these approaches share an interest in understanding the different emotional experiences and protective strategies that exist within us.
Why Would We Want to Work With Our Parts?
Often, the parts of ourselves that create the most difficulty in our lives are also the ones that developed in an attempt to protect us.
Consider someone who becomes highly critical of themselves whenever they make a mistake. On the surface, that inner critic might seem harsh, exhausting, and unhelpful.
But as they begin exploring that critical voice, they might discover that it developed in an environment where mistakes were met with punishment, rejection, or humiliation. Being hard on themselves became a way to anticipate criticism and avoid making mistakes in the first place.
Recognizing the protective intention behind that response doesn't mean the criticism is helpful or that it needs to continue. It creates an opportunity to understand why the pattern exists and begin developing a different way of responding.
Parts work can also help us recognize that conflicting feelings don't necessarily mean we're confused or incapable of making decisions. Sometimes different parts of us are responding to different needs, fears, or experiences.
Learning to recognize those competing experiences can create more space for choice rather than automatically reacting from whichever part feels most activated in the moment.
Parts Work and Trauma Healing
Parts work can be especially meaningful in trauma therapy because traumatic experiences can shape how we learn to protect ourselves, manage emotions, and relate to others.
Someone who experienced unpredictable caregiving might have developed a part that constantly monitors other people's moods. Another part may have learned to disconnect from emotions when things become overwhelming. These responses may have been adaptive in earlier circumstances, even if they create difficulties later in life.
In therapy, exploring these protective patterns can help people develop greater understanding and compassion for themselves.
Rather than forcing a vulnerable part to share painful experiences or trying to eliminate a protective response, parts-oriented therapy often emphasizes building trust, understanding the function of different responses, and allowing change to happen at a manageable pace.
It's also worth recognizing that parts work doesn't require someone to have experienced significant trauma. We all have different aspects of ourselves, and exploring them can be useful for understanding relationships, navigating decisions, and developing greater emotional awareness.
Learning to Relate Differently to Ourselves
Perhaps one of the most valuable aspects of parts work is the shift it can create in how we relate to our own experiences.
Instead of saying, "I'm too sensitive," we might begin to notice, "There's a part of me that feels especially vulnerable to criticism."
Instead of thinking, "I always sabotage my relationships," we might recognize that a part of us becomes afraid when emotional intimacy increases.
This change in perspective can create a little more room for curiosity and understanding. We can begin to recognize that our emotional responses aren't always representative of everything we feel or believe about ourselves.
I incorporate parts-oriented work into my approach to trauma, attachment, and relationship therapy. Sometimes this involves explicitly identifying and exploring different parts of the self. Other times, it happens more naturally through conversations about protective patterns, conflicting emotions, and the experiences that have shaped how we relate to ourselves and others.
The goal isn't to eliminate parts of ourselves or become someone entirely different. It's to better understand the different aspects of who we are and develop more flexibility in how we respond to our experiences.
Interested in exploring parts work in therapy? I offer virtual, individual therapy focused on trauma, attachment, and relationships. You can learn more about my approach and services at leahhoffmanlcsw.com.
